His timing

A striking sense of purpose brings my family and I here to Big Woods. The timing is just as it has always meant to be, not my own.

There would have never been a good time for this journey to commence, and in diametrically opposed fashion the timing could not have been more perfect as this could arguably be the best time for a season of change to be happening to us.

We are asked to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) by Saint Paul, and in this last week I have most certainly counted myself a believer in this declaration, although not really of my own accord.

I am not who I used to be, yet will always retain pieces of who I was.

 I awake before the sun breaks the skyline, to run down a road filled with mosquitoes and water-logged ditches. And yet it feels right to be doing these things, as the smallest sacrifice to our Lord and to those who have enabled me to be here. I do not have a single moment to waste, an idea that I know I have felt many times before in my life. Yet, now within that idea I hope to simply offer up my family’s and my own time here as the smallest of sacrifices for Christ our Lord.

In humbleness and complete simplicity of this idea, He is the reason we breathe, the reason each morning I rise satisfied in my rest, the reason for my quietness of heart and from each moment I hope to do justice to this trust in me. In my smallness this is my offering for all He has done up to this point in me and all He continues to do in our lives.

“Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof; only say the word and your servant will be healed." -Matthew 8:8

Each time we recite this in the holy mass, I lean over to my daughters and whisper,
“that verse comes from my Gospel”- the Gospel of Matthew, my namesake. I continually let that knowledge speak to them.

But in my own brokenness I try to inform them.
How many times have I left my heart hurt or resentful or completely unhealed of those whom I have wronged or have wronged me, and at the very least not even contemplated the impact of my words on others.

Today I remind myself I am here for a reason,
for salvation, for redemption, for forgiveness, for gratefulness, for kindness and for honesty,
in thanksgiving for all these things.
I come as all come to Jesus. Empty and broken, awaiting your words O God.

And I say, “Come Holy Spirit, Come!”

Your docile son, in humble leadership of my family, 

Matthew