Let there be Light

A few nights ago I was driving home late and stopped to fill up the gas tank in our van. I ran inside the convenience store to pick up a box of crackers and summer sausage for Jo's class. I brought them to the counter to pay and was lamenting how cold it was. The man behind the counter smiled and reminded me that very soon the days would be getting longer again.

Tomorrow is the winter solstice. The shortest day of the year. Wunderground tells me where I live, the sun will rise at 7:21am and it will set at 4:21pm. A mere nine hours of daylight. Fifteen hours of darkest night. Thank God I don't live in Alaska. 

This past year was rough. And the last six months proved even harder. 

I have felt sad, lonely, afraid, anxious, ashamed and angry. 

By the grace of God I have not succumbed to total desolation or utter despair. 

No matter how pitiful my day, my hour, my moment seemed, I knew I was never alone. 

God has brought people into my life at precisely the moment I needed them to show up. 

And I am learning. 

I am learning to be open, to be humble, to be present. 

And to say yes to receiving love, especially when its easier to say no. 

This has been a year of slow transformation. 

Instead of prioritizing my time to accomplish tasks, I have learned to prioritize my time for building and nurturing relationships. 

As someone who gets a shot of endorphins from checking items off my to-do list, this has not been easy. I have had to do some serious re-training of my mind to make room and space to listen to my heart. 

But I can see a shift in me, in my marriage and in my home. 

Although I have no idea what this coming year will bring, I am at peace knowing, believing and trusting in the One who said:

Let there be Light.